Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
