i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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