Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
