Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Randomize
