True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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