I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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