Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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