Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
