I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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