Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
