Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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