i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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