Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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