I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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