remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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