woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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