The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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