Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
