She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
