Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
