my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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