Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
