can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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