her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
