I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
