I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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