You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
