fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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