so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
