4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
