you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
