first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
