i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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