matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just found a bag of teeth...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize