I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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