Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
