Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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