turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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