Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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