I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
