The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
