im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
