found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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