Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
