My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
