She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
