just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
