My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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