all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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