did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
