Whod you bang
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
