they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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