we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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