I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
