Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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