I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
