he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
