Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How does it feel to date your dad?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
