You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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