so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
