that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
