i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
