I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
