Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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