i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it's like iHOP with fire
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
