If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
