i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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