Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
