We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
