there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
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I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How does one acquire holy water?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.