The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
