Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.