but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots