I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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