my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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