I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
