You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
