The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
