how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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