It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
