Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
