if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
