you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize