the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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